If you give Kay a leak...

A hundred million years ago when my daughter was just a wee lass, we read her a fabulous set of books by Laura Numeroff, one of which was entitled If You Give A Pig A Pancake.  This particular book started out with a pig, and the story went something along the lines of, if you give the pig a pancake, she'll probably want some syrup to go with it.  If you give her some syrup, she'll probably get all sticky.  The story continued onward for quite some time with one thing leading inevitably to the other until, at the very end, the poor little piggy was hungry, and if the poor little piggy was hungry, she'd probably want a pancake.  Everything leads to everything leads to everything.  The connections between episodes seemed logical, and progressed in a timely fashion.  Coupled with the delightful illustrations by Felicia Bond, these books became a favorite of our daughter.  The book looks like this:

 You can find the book here:  If You Give a Pig a Pancake by Laura Numeroff Click here to purchase it on Amazon.

Ms. Numeroff went on to write additional such delightful tales, such as If You Give A Moose a Muffin, and If You Give A Mouse a Cookie.  I'm sure you get the drift.

Well, last week, much to my chagrin, I found myself facing the grown up version of Ms. Numeroff's book.  It went something like this:

If you give Kay a leak from her dishwasher,

She'll probably find a discolored and warpy floor.

If you give her a discolored and warpy floor,

She'll probably want to have someone come and find out what caused the problem.

When she calls someone to find the problem,

They'll probably take the dishwasher apart to discover water damage.

But, knowing Kay, when they took apart the dishwasher, they didn't find out where the leak was coming from.

If they can't find out where the leak is coming from,

They'll be unable to repair the leak.

If they're unable to repair the leak,

They'll probably tell Kay to put paper towels underneath the dishwasher and wait a week.

If Kay waits a week to discover where the leak is coming from,

The dishwasher will probably continue to leak.

If the dishwasher continues to leak,

The floor will continue to warp and grow all squishy.

If the floor starts growing all squishy,

She'll probably need to find out if there is further damage in the crawl space.

When she (gasp!) braves the crawl space,

She'll probably discover a pool of water beneath the house.

When she discovers the pool of water beneath the house,

She'll call the Home Owners Insurance Policy people and ask them to help pay for the repairs.

When she calls the HOIPPs to ask them to help pay for the repairs,

They'll probably tell her that the leak is caused by the dishwasher.

If the repairs are caused by the dishwasher,

Then they'll tell her the dishwasher installation repair people should pay for the damage.

If the dishwasher installation repair people are unable to discover from where the damage is originating,

The DIRP will be unable to repair the problem.

If the DIRP are unable to repair the problem,

The kitchen floors will continue to warp and grow all squishy.

If the kitchen floors continue to warp and grow all squishy,

She'll probably want to call a few floor repair people to give estimates.

If she calls a few people to give estimates, 

They'll probably tell her that she needs to have the sub flooring replaced.

If the sub flooring needs to be replaced,

They'll probably need to remove the kitchen cabinets.

If they remove the kitchen cabinets,

The kitchen counters will probably be destroyed.

If the kitchen counters are destroyed, 

They'll probably need to be replaced.

If the kitchen counters need to be replaced,

She'll probably want to purchase pretty new cabinets to replace the old ones.

If she wants to replace the new cabinets,

She'll probably need a lot of money for extensive repairs.

If she needs a lot of money for the extensive repairs,

She'll probably need to refinance her home to pull out some equity.

If she needs to refinance her home for the equity money,

She'll need to hire a house appraiser.

If she hires a house appraiser, he'll probably need to look at the kitchen floor.

If he looks at the kitchen floor and discovers water damage,

He'll probably refuse to provide the house appraisal until the kitchen floors are repaired.

If the house appraisal is not completed,

Kay will probably not receive the equity money from the house refinancing.

If she doesn't receive the equity money from the house refinancing,

She'll probably not be able to pay to have the damage repaired.

If she can't afford to pay to have the damage repaired,

She'll probably need a stiff drink and a large bowl of chocolate ice cream.

If she needs a stiff drink and a large bowl of chocolate ice cream,

She'll probably need to get those from the kitchen.

If she goes into the kitchen to get her large bowl of ice cream and her stiff drink,

She'll probably look down at the kitchen floor.

And if she looks down at the kitchen floor,

She'll probably find a discolored and warpy floor.

If she finds a discolored and warpy floor,

She'll probably think it's from a leak from her dishwasher.

Sigh

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